TLDR:
A raw and honest story about feeling distant from God during illness and discovering that His presence isn’t dependent on our performance. Perfect for Christian men struggling with spiritual performance anxiety and seeking authentic relationship with God.
What?
I got sick a couple weeks ago and couldn’t keep up with my normal spiritual disciplines – my “non-negotiables.” No scripture reading, limited prayer and meditation, just barely enough work to get by. During this time, I started feeling distant from God, especially since the week before I had been getting up between 3:30-5:30 AM to spend extra time with Him. As these feelings accumulated, I kept thinking “I gotta, I gotta, I gotta…” do all these things to get back on track.
Then one day after recovering, I simply sat down by the fire for my quiet time – and boom – God was right there. He had been there the whole time. But until I sat down to “be still and know that I am God,” I had been imagining all this distance based on rules and guidelines I’d set for myself.
Why?
I’m sharing this because so many of us create artificial distance from God based on our performance, especially when life knocks us off our spiritual routines. We slip into living under the law rather than grace, thinking we need to “catch up” with Jesus rather than simply being present with Him.
Lesson
God’s presence isn’t dependent on our perfect performance of spiritual disciplines. When we start saying “I gotta, I gotta” – that’s a clear sign we’re living under law rather than grace. No matter what circumstances knock us off track, God remains present and available. The distance we feel is imaginary, often fueled by Satan’s lies that we’re somehow separated from God’s presence due to our imperfect performance.
Apply
Take a moment right now to write down 1-2 things that tend to create artificial distance between you and God in your life. What stories or rules do you tell yourself that make God feel far away? Identifying these patterns will help you:
Recognize them more quickly next time they arise
Return more rapidly to simply being present with God
Remember that His presence isn’t dependent on your performance
From Distance to Presence: A Christian Leader’s Story of Grace Over Performance
