Top o’ the Mornin’ to Ya!
TLDR: Discover why Kingdom Family Leaders must know what they’re for, not just what they’re against, and how connection through authentic community helps you move toward your pinnacle instead of just running from the pit.
What?
Today, I wanted to share my quiet place and talk about connection. Down the stairs, over in the corner, I’ve got this little gas fireplace. Right here where I’m sitting, I’ve got my chair. This isn’t just any old chair. This chair is the chair that my mother used to rock me in when I was just forming in her womb. It’s been passed on to me and I treasure it. This is where I read my scriptures most days, definitely in the winter.
The pillow on this chair has a cross stitch that’s completely white now – a heart shape and a few stitches of letters left from a loving poem I stitched for my grandmother. My mom took the cross stitch and made this soft pillow. I received it after my grandmother passed away. It gives me lumbar support. This is where I pull out my Bible and read almost daily.
I’ve been talking to friends I haven’t talked to in a while. One guy I talked to was Scott. When I first met Scott, he was this powerful military strong father. I got the impression he did it all on his own – that self-sufficient man, the masculine man, the military man. Every once in a while, I’d get these little peeks through that outer shell and understand the love and compassion he had inside.
We were in a Bible study together – the Alpha Project. It wasn’t until this Bible study that Scott really opened up about who he is. As we talked yesterday, I was sharing how I’m helping Christian men overcome stress and anxiety so they can be the man, husband, father, and leader God intended them to be. How important it is to have that interaction with authenticity with real men and not just superficial Bible study.
Scott said “There’s no sense in doing it alone. You can’t do it alone.” So different than the first impressions I had of the guy. Sometimes guys have that first impression – “I can do it on my own. I’m a real man.” I was raised with some of that. I’ve been learning not to do that. Mostly learning about connecting and how much power through connection – accountability partner, coach, mastermind group, that share group Bible study where you’re sharing lives, sharing what’s under the mask.
I spent the first thirty-five years of my life building a facade, building a mask of strength and amazingness and impression and fake. Just fake. As I came to my healing and transformation, I’m astounded at the peace and comfort and connection through community.
I had a conversation with an old colleague on Facebook – just griping, griping, griping. I was trying to steer him toward what do you want. He wouldn’t go there. In the DMs, I said “I’m not trying to hurt or attack you. I just see that you’re against something, but what are you for? What is your opposite of this thing you’re against?”
The root was he didn’t know what he wanted. He knew that was uncomfortable and wanted something else. That doesn’t give us progress if we don’t know where that is. This builds on my post yesterday about scarcity – when we’re away from this and focused on not this and not this, all our focus is on this. We’re sitting in the pit of despair and don’t know what that pinnacle is.
We can come to that through prayer, through connection. When two or more are gathered in His name, He is there. What are we for? I’m for men being the man they’re supposed to be – the husband, father, and leader in their home, self first, marriage, family, community, and work.
If you don’t know what you’re for, what you want, or it’s vague and messy, it might be time to visit and talk about what you’re away from, what’s missing, and what is your pinnacle, your destination. Once we cross this line and start going towards something, even when we’re not there, we’re focused on it, visualizing it, moving toward it. When we’re over here looking at the big picture, we’re not away from that thing – our focus is on that thing we’re trying to avoid.
Why?
I share this because Kingdom Family Leaders know what they’re against but struggle to articulate what they’re for. We gripe about government, complain about church, criticize culture, but when asked “What do you actually want?” we can’t answer. We’re running from the pit but don’t know where the pinnacle is.
Scott showed me the power of dropping the facade. The military man who seemed self-sufficient admitted “You can’t do it alone.” That authenticity, that connection, is where transformation happens – not in superficial Bible study, but in sharing what’s under the mask.
Lesson
You must know what you’re for, not just what you’re against. When you’re focused on moving away from something, all your attention stays on that thing you’re escaping. You’re in the pit of despair focused on the pit, not on the pinnacle. Even when you get away from it, you’re still measuring distance from the pit rather than progress toward the pinnacle.
The shift happens when you cross the line and start going towards something. Then even when you’re not there yet, you’re focused on it, visualizing it, moving toward it. Your attention shifts from what you’re escaping to what you’re pursuing.
Connection through authentic community helps you discover what you’re for. When two or more are gathered in His name, He is there amongst us helping us create that vision. Not superficial Bible study that avoids real life, but share groups where you drop the mask and talk about what’s actually happening.
I spent thirty-five years building a facade of strength and amazingness. Just fake. The peace and comfort came through dropping that mask and connecting authentically. Whatever we do, do it as to the Lord, not as to men. That means leading authentically, not performing a role.
Apply
This week, answer the question: What are you for? Not what you’re against, not what you’re running from, but what you’re actually pursuing. Write it down. If it’s vague and messy, find someone to talk through it with – a coach, an accountability partner, a mastermind group. Stop measuring distance from the pit. Start moving toward the pinnacle.
You be blessed!
