Top o’ the Mornin’ to Ya!
TLDR: Sometimes I have that urge to say “I really don’t get up at five AM in the morning, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t cut back on my sugar, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” If we’re putting up a defense, there’s something in us that needs, feels, requires a defense. And when we put up that defense, we should make sure we understand it.
We’ve been talking for a week and a half now about The Four Agreements. And yesterday was really about conviction time for me in how I’m not showing up for things on time. I’m not being impeccable with my word and doing my best with time, and I get that conviction.
Sometimes, I may share something like this, “I really don’t get up at five AM in the morning, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” or “I really don’t cut back on my sugar, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” or “I don’t eat healthy, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” all ending in a defensive “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
And it could be any phrase, any defense. If we’re putting up a defense, there’s something in us that needs, feels, or requires a defense. And when we put up that defense, we should figure out where it came from. What is it’s source?
For example, not cutting back on sugar is a really bad thing, so I think there’s something wrong with that. If I’m talking to someone with a different opinion on that, I’m probably using that “defense” to say “leave that topic alone.” I want to be friends and have different beliefs and move on. My awareness of other’s beliefs helps me. Being aware of the source of our defense also helps us. When we have the ability to look at what am I defending against or catching or noticing.
I said “and there’s nothing wrong with that.” I had a defensive feeling. I made statements to share my opinion and to push others away.
If we can look at that, explore that, and figure out, is it internal? Is it the Holy Spirit in me that’s giving me the conviction? Yesterday, I talked about getting to social events and volunteer events and the soft things on time, and how we’ve raised our kids to be on time or you’re fired, but yet we don’t demonstrate that in getting to church on time and doing a lot of the other things that we do on time because we demonstrate less importance to them, and really, they are important. I think that was conviction from the Holy Spirit.
Being able to find that conviction and recognize it through our statements when we make a defensive thing. The Four Agreement that hits the nail on the head here is to not take anything personally. Just look at everything as information. Learn from the things that you hear. Learn from the words that come out your mouth. Your words are like a connection to your heart. Why am I defensive about it? Is it internal? Is it me? Is it the Holy Spirit? Is it what I believe about what the other person I’m talking to believes? And do I really know what they believe?
One of the big things in coaching is “what does that word mean to you?” Because everybody’s got different definitions, and digging into definitions really clarifies, especially when we recognize it’s not me. It’s not the Holy Spirit in me. It’s me defending against that other person. What do I believe about their beliefs? Because I don’t know their beliefs, but I believe that I know them. And sometimes it’s really important to let that go and to explore their real beliefs, be curious about their beliefs, talk to them, investigate, ask questions. Remember the agreement to not make assumptions?
When we get down to core values, there’s a divide that’s just really hard to cross. But beliefs are at an easier level. If we can understand someone else’s beliefs, then we can make an agreement that I’m not gonna take that personally, and you don’t need to take that personally. That brings unity. That brings us together as followers of Christ in God’s kingdom that have different beliefs…as long as it isn’t Biblical differences.
So when I find I’m being defensive, I need to be curious. What’s important about that? Let’s be friends. Let’s know each other. Having that dialogue, I discover more about myself, and I become a better person. I become sanctified. I become wiser.
Because there’s only three things in life: wealth, health, and relationships. And I think health is kinda first, but it’s only for the relationships. And wealth, yeah, whatever, it’s for the relationships. Wealth, health, and relationships. That’s where we spend our most valuable resource of time. And that is where we can spread the Good News.
So don’t take it personally. Be unoffendable. Be curious, and love one another.
You be blessed!
